Free write

This is my free write for today, it's Tuesday and it's raining outside damn I can't help but use the back space and fix my mistakes. It's been a long time since I've done this and I feel shamed that I let my fears get the best of me, I stopped writing, I stopped journaling and I let the thinking barriers win. I don't care what my mother wants me to do I am not going to cona. If I want to do the GED I will and it will be on my own time. I'm scared to sit in a class room where I can't do as I please. I don't want to face the chalk board of green doom and write until I cannot write anymore. I miss Julia and she's something else I fear. Fear fear fear, what really is fear? Does it not only have power unless we give it power? So why do I let it rule my life? The goal exorcises was startling I never knew how badly things affected me by not doing what I want to do. I am making myself miserable but I too can make myself better. I can grow and change, I can set realistic goals and I need to put forth the effort. Damn it I went back and corrected myself again. This does feel good, to just sit and type away. I give this page my worries, my fears and my anger.

I give this page my mistakes and everything I've been hiding from. This page can have it all because I don't need it anymore, I need sweet release. I'm feeling hungry and I wounder what's for supper? I had a great meal for myself last night and yes I am happy I didn't have to share it with anyone else who might object. I love cooking it makes me feel free. I think I should look up a really good blueberry muffin recipe and buy some then make them. I'm dying for cookies but I know I need to stop eating junk. I also need to go back to Wal Mart to get more vegetables.

Maybe the one with rice tastes better. I didn't like the veggies and olive oil. I think I got one apple out of my bag of five which is sad, also I kind of forgot about them. I'm glad I found a new show I can enjoy and that I can continue watching someone I have most of my life. Some parts of me still wish I had gotten into acting, I remember watching interviews and getting every little bit of information I could when they gave advice. I know how to make it, I have all the tools I need and if I don't I have the tools to find them. I need to want things, I need to want a lot of things for myself and for no one else. I deserve to be happy and this is my life. Come hell or high water I will write my Novel even if I have to go through tons of heart ache and wrist pain to do it. I need to do this for me because while not doing it I'm causing so much more harm then I could ever imagine. Even though the reasons by number of why I want to write were small they were more profound and meaningful then the reasons why I'm not writing already.