You're A Quitter

Brownies
Girl Guides
Sparks
Swimming Lessons
Ballet
Church
Cadets
Soccer (a few times)
Tae Kwon Do
Kung Fu
Karate
High School (twice)
Hockey Team
Wrestling Team
Convergys
Drama club
Choir
Writing a novel
How to think sideways course
Journal Writing
Wanting to be an actor
Wanting to be a singer
Movie Dome job
living away
living on my own
Making new friends

The list goes on...

I've gone through life so far with a huge pile of in-completes on my list. Things that I have quit and things that I have missed out on because I didn't think I was good enough to try, or I was just too scared to try for myself. Beings SAFE has been my number one tool for too long, and what I have never realized that it was doing me so much harm. If I'm not writing there's a huge hole inside of me that can't be filled by anything else, if I don't sing during the day I get cranky and not realize it. If I don't get off my ass and exercise, my ass becomes unhealthy, in not so nice ways. Safety is a big huge illusion, hell it's even a marketing device! “Don't have our shiny new security system? Who will save your family from a fire? Send us money NOW!” It's called an exit plan, or deadbolt locks. There's that swell invention, the telephone that lets you dial for 911 or the number for the police station if it's not available in your area. It's a lot cheaper than a security system (I'm in one of those bizarre rural towns were you can't dial 911 for an emergency.)

I've lived in fear for way to long and right now I am choosing to no longer cling into the idea of safety in my every day life. The best thing I ever did was get on a plane out of my country for the very first time, I wound up in love and surrounded by great new friends. Doesn't sound very safe now does it? Nope, but I don't regret that for a bit or working through a long distance relationship in the separation months. And part of the fat bonus of my return is that not all of it will be so new and scary anymore.

I'm taking safety and telling it to kiss my ass. There are things I need to finish in order for me to feel good about me. There are proverbial doors that need closing and space to rent out in my head for new ideas, likes, loves and experiences. I re-opened the first part of my How To Think Sideways course and bit by bit I will get it done this time. If not a whole novel then at least the course it's self will be completed and I can call myself a graduate of learning, and finishing something I set out to do. Doing one thing at a time I will beat safe. Self motivation is rising.